Ten Ways to Bounce Back

1. Find a sense of purpose.
2. Have a positive outlook and practice gratitude.
3. Take pleasure in the small joys of life.
4. Take an active approach to solving your problems.
5. Rely on and help others.
6. Take care of yourself.
7. Keep learning and growing.
8. Be ready for change.
9. Be a doer, not a complainer.
10. Work on reducing stress in your life.

Staying resilient is like staying in shape — some are born lucky, but most of us have to work at it. Below you’ll find ten ways to bounce back from challenges you face at work and at home.

1. Find a sense of purpose.
Resilient people have a passion or purpose that nourishes and sustains them. It might be spending time with a sick relative or volunteering for a community organization. Complete this sentence: “If money were no object and I had all the time in the world, I would . . . Paint? Work with children? Get in shape?” Identify what activities bring you a sense of fulfillment and personal satisfaction. Then figure out how to translate your dreams into action. You could enroll in a class at night, or volunteer in your community. Activities outside of work that give you a sense of purpose can keep you going, especially during difficult times.

2. Have a positive outlook and practice gratitude.
Thoughts like, “It’s terrible and I can’t do anything about it,” wear down your resilience. Turn negative thoughts into positive action and you’ll feel better. Here’s how. Ask yourself, “What can I do today to feel better?” Tell yourself, “I’m going to feel better. Things are going to get better.” Focus on the part of your life that feels good today and avoid wasting anger or negative energy on trivial things. Try not to let small annoyances affect your mood. Spend time with people you like and do things you like to do. Use humor to help you see the positive. Plan something today that you can look forward to. Remember that optimism is a skill you can learn. It just takes practice.

Practicing gratitude helps you stay positive. Take a few minutes each evening to think about the things you were grateful for that day. Write down everything for which you were grateful, from enjoying the sunrise, or a beautiful piece of music, to appreciating your family or friends.

3. Take pleasure in the small joys of life.
The small joys of life are what renew us, give us peace, and keep us strong. Make time for small joys such as being outdoors, being with family and friends, and doing things you like such as reading, gardening, cooking, or getting exercise.

4. Take an active approach to solving your problems.
Resilient people have an ability to negotiate and renegotiate life. That means being able to anticipate problems and come up with solutions. Here are some ways to successfully tackle problems:

Identify the problem. Writing down what the problem is can be helpful.
Seek input from knowledgeable people you trust who can provide you with resources, information, and ideas.
Don’t deny your problems, ignore them, or let them weigh on your mind.
Use some of the skills you’ve learned at work to help you manage your personal life. At work, you tackle a problem by gathering information and resources and by breaking big tasks into defined and manageable steps. Use some of those same skills to handle problems at home.
Try to focus on the things that you have control over. For example, if you are caring for a relative with a chronic illness, you have control over your thoughts and emotions when you are away from your relative. Try to put aside sad thoughts about your relative while you are at work. If you focus on your job and the things you do have control over, you may feel better and your problems may not seem so overwhelming.
Look back to how you successfully handled problems in the past. Ask yourself, “How did I get through it? How can that knowledge help me now?”

5. Rely on and help others.
Asking for help is hard for many of us. Do you ask a good friend or co-worker for support when you need it? If your child is having a problem, do you ask for support from the teacher? Paying attention to what you need and asking for help are signs of resourcefulness and strength, not weakness. And it will help you feel stronger and more resilient. Talk about what you are going through with others. Learn from people who have been through what you are going through. Don’t wait for someone to call you. Be the initiator. Get used to accepting help. If you are facing a challenge and a neighbor or friend offers help with meals or rides, allow yourself to accept the help. Join a support group if you are going through a difficult time. Support groups can be a tremendously helpful way to cope with grief, loss, divorce, a chronic illness, personal problems, family problems, and other issues. Be there for people you care about and they’ll be there for you.

6. Take care of yourself.
You can’t be resilient, no matter how hard you work at it, if you don’t take care of yourself. If you’re physically exhausted or overextended emotionally, it’s twice as hard to bounce back and get through a difficult time.

Schedule a checkup if you have not seen your health care provider within the last year or if you are not feeling well.
Take your vacation days or personal days from work.
Get exercise. Studies show that resilient people exercise more than other people.
Keep your life simple. Plan simple meals. Resist signing up for too many activities and committees. Don’t be afraid to say “no.”
Limit how much caffeine and alcohol you drink.
Stick to what some experts call the “80/20″ rule in your eating. If 80 percent of what you eat is healthy — with a nutritious, low-fat mix of vegetables, fruit, and grains — then you can allow yourself to eat what you want for the remaining 20 percent.
Pay extra attention to taking care of yourself if you are experiencing a stressful life event such as a separation, a job change, or the death of a relative or friend.
Take time to recover. Just as you need time to recover from a physical illness, you also need time to recover when you experience emotional setbacks or losses. Think about how you recover from a cold or a case of the flu: you rest and take care of yourself. You need to do the same when you are recovering emotionally. When your emotional resilience is worn down, you need to pay extra attention to getting enough rest, eating balanced meals, making time for relaxation, and seeking support from the people you love.

7. Keep learning and growing.
When was the last time you learned something new, made a new friend, or pursued a new hobby or interest? Take advantage of opportunities at work and in your personal life to learn and grow. You might learn a new computer or technical skill, a new language, or a new game or sport. Stop yourself from thinking and saying, “I’m too old to . . . ride a bike, learn a new language, take up walking.” Learning makes you feel capable, fulfilled, and more resilient.

8. Be ready for change.
The ability to handle change is a key survival skill of all resilient people. Try to anticipate change and look ahead to see what’s coming. That way you’ll be prepared for the next change when it happens. Make a conscious effort to stay flexible. When you catch yourself saying “no” to an invitation, say “yes” instead. Realize that the only real way to change is to do something more than once. For example, if you want to change your habits and get more exercise, you have to keep at it week after week until this change becomes part of your routine.

9. Be a doer, not a complainer.
The primary way people bounce back is by doing things. Get involved. Enroll in a class or volunteer to help a friend, neighbor, or relative in need. Tell yourself, “I’m going to take this step.” Remind yourself that resilience is about taking charge. Start with the small step you can take right away, rather than waiting to take the big step and maybe never getting to it. For example, spend an hour every week on a big cleanup project that’s been making you feel guilty. Plan things to look forward to. Work on a plan for today, tomorrow, next week.

10. Work on reducing stress in your life.
Most of us are familiar with the classic symptoms of stress: sleep problems; trouble concentrating; headaches, stomachaches, neck, shoulder, or back pain; heart palpitations; lack of energy. But are you aware of the negative “spillover” effects that stress can have on your personal relationships, your home life, and your ability to bounce back and cope with everyday activities? Here are some ways to work on reducing stress in your life:

Take advantage of the programs and benefits your company offers to help you reduce stress and balance the demands of your work and personal life.
Try to pinpoint what’s causing your stress. Identify the problem or source of your stress. Sometimes we feel sad and are not sure why. Identifying what is truly bothering you is half the battle.
Find ways to simplify and organize your life so that the problems and challenges you are facing are manageable. Look for things you can do to feel less overwhelmed. You might spend weekend time organizing and simplifying tasks to make things easier for the week ahead.
Find ways to relieve tension. Try relaxing your shoulders when you’re tense. Roll your shoulders forward and then back in a rotating motion. Enroll in a meditation or yoga class.
Seek support in your faith community. Faith, religion, and spirituality help many people move from worry to hope, and stay strong and resilient through life’s ups and downs.
Let go of your anger. Anger is a negative emotion that consumes a lot of mental energy. And it makes you feel more stressed. How often do you find yourself saying, “It’s not fair!” “It’s all your fault!” Learn to let go of your anger and forgive and move on. You’ll have more energy and feel more resilient.

Written with the help of Ricky V. Carlson, M.A., C.E.A.P. He is a consultant at Ceridian Corporation.

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